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:iconnoodlesaddict:
A very very good first piece. The beginning really blows your mind and the characters have clear personalities. Rifel is a strong character, authentic, he spread his energy to everyone. Duncan is very believable. His fear and anguish "prison" the reader. And generally the story has credibility.

You really got me into the plot but at some point I felt like all the intensity cooled off. This happened at this point "That is irrelevant... must be punished." in Rifel's words. This is due to the length of the answer. It felt like a long answer didn't fit his personality. This kicked me out of the atmosphere.

However, congratulations for the choice of words. It coats the story beautifully.

All in all, it's a charming story that provokes you to read more. Great Job!
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